is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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