Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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