Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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