when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
