She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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