32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
