Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
