I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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