i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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