I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
