New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
