So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
