do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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