Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
