about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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