He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
