She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
