the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
