Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
