i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
