let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
