dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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