I think I died a long time ago.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
