I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
