Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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