He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
