Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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