my vag is so smooth its legendary
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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