God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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