dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am midnight drunk by noon
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
