We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
