and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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