he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
