the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
