The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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