I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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