I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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