It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will pee on everything he values.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
