Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
