the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
