woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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