I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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