I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
