Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
