This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
