Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
