Your tits are I can't wait for
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
