I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
