If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
