What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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