it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
