Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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