my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
